"I am the heart that you call home.
I've written pages
upon pages
trying to rid you from my
bones."
- The Engine Driver
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Ripples & childhood
"You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit? It sucks."
Hello, 2015.
The above is a line from (500) Days of Summer. That's one of the few films I know of that sends ripples through my heart and mind every time I watch it. It especially does so when you watch it while feeling very similar to the movie, both in character and circumstance ss. It's a film that I think is the most thoroughly "guy movie" in recent years. It's not filled with explosions, guns, sex symbols, or booze. In fact, I imagine most people would not view it as a "guy movie" much at all. However, I'll make my case nonetheless. I think it is thoroughly such a movie for two reasons: it is an amalgamation of different ways in which men get their heartbroken and it is also picture of the general underlying desires of most men, at least in our day and age.
My first point is primarily a point that only men would likely grasp. The movie sums up the subtle heartbreaks of different facets of a relationship. The hopeful man whose expectations don't match with reality. The thought of a chance of being with a woman being crushed by either her selfishness, her indifference/disinterest, or her choice for someone else. That glimpse of gleeful joy upon connection (sadly portrayed through Summer and Tom's first night act of sex) not lasting. The all-too-cruel concept of a girl displaying interest and care, only to then state that she only wants friendship and nothing more. The difficulty of watching the relationship wither and die and being unable to fix it. The strain of being so close to the person you care deeply for ss and yet being unable to change how they feel. The longing to defend, protect, and love a woman being met with the resentment of independence and relational autonomy. The feeling of being so very close and so very far at the same time. I could go on, but this has become enough of a rant as it is.
My point is that the film is filled with ways in which men are heartbroken. Perhaps I'm just reading my own stuff into it and maybe most men don't actually feel any of this and I'm just wrongfully generalizing, but from my interactions with friends, my viewings of film and television (Which are sourced by actual writers), and my readings of various books depicting relationships between men and women, it seems like this really is a collection of the difficulties of being the man in a relationship.
Additionally, I think this all leads to heartache because of the underlying desires of modern men. Only this morning I really grasped how much I have been affected by the culture around my childhood and I imagine it's the same for most others. I grew up watching tv shows and movies filled with examples of the man, often not the "cool" guy or the clear hero, simply being "there" for the woman and oftentimes laying down his life (either in small metaphorical ways or in literal ways). It's this idea of the "nice guy getting the girl" that has permeated my childhood ss. I just watched an episode of Phil of the Future and Kim Possible, two old Disney Channel shows I used to watch that are now on occasional replay. Both shows are great examples of what I'm talking about. Phil is the nice guy who does the right thing and becomes friends with Keely and because he's the good guy, he wins her heart. In Kim Possible, Ron is the best friend who is always willing to sacrifice his own time, desires, and even life (though it never comes to that point since it's a kid show) for Kim because he cares about her and loves her and at the end of the series, Kim realizes that she loves Ron and he's been the one she wanted the whole time. Now what does this have to do with my point? Well, I think it is an underlying desire of many men (At least in this day and age) to love and care for the girl, all the while carrying a hope that she would love him back. Or maybe it's not many men and it's only me and a few others. Maybe that's why I love the movie so much, 'cause it's rare.
Ultimately, it's Tom's own fault for his own heartbreak. Summer tells him she wants only casual (i.e. empty) and because of his desire for "the one," he's willing to adhere to that in hopes that it will progress. There's a key but subtle scene early on in their relationship where Summer tells Tom she isn't looking for a relationship and only wants it to be a casual thing. Tom responds by agreeing and says "Yeah, like casual, right? Take it slow." Right there is the difference between the two people. "Take it slow" implies there is an end goal, one that should be slowly traveled to. Summer, however, never implies that. She only claims casual. They're both at fault. Summer for being shallow and misleading to a guy who clearly has emotional instability and unrealistic expectations. Tom for being foolish and trying to fit Summer into his own keyhole ideal even though she clearly does not want the same as he does.
Anyway, enough of this madness.
Hello, 2015.
The above is a line from (500) Days of Summer. That's one of the few films I know of that sends ripples through my heart and mind every time I watch it. It especially does so when you watch it while feeling very similar to the movie, both in character and circumstance ss. It's a film that I think is the most thoroughly "guy movie" in recent years. It's not filled with explosions, guns, sex symbols, or booze. In fact, I imagine most people would not view it as a "guy movie" much at all. However, I'll make my case nonetheless. I think it is thoroughly such a movie for two reasons: it is an amalgamation of different ways in which men get their heartbroken and it is also picture of the general underlying desires of most men, at least in our day and age.
My first point is primarily a point that only men would likely grasp. The movie sums up the subtle heartbreaks of different facets of a relationship. The hopeful man whose expectations don't match with reality. The thought of a chance of being with a woman being crushed by either her selfishness, her indifference/disinterest, or her choice for someone else. That glimpse of gleeful joy upon connection (sadly portrayed through Summer and Tom's first night act of sex) not lasting. The all-too-cruel concept of a girl displaying interest and care, only to then state that she only wants friendship and nothing more. The difficulty of watching the relationship wither and die and being unable to fix it. The strain of being so close to the person you care deeply for ss and yet being unable to change how they feel. The longing to defend, protect, and love a woman being met with the resentment of independence and relational autonomy. The feeling of being so very close and so very far at the same time. I could go on, but this has become enough of a rant as it is.
My point is that the film is filled with ways in which men are heartbroken. Perhaps I'm just reading my own stuff into it and maybe most men don't actually feel any of this and I'm just wrongfully generalizing, but from my interactions with friends, my viewings of film and television (Which are sourced by actual writers), and my readings of various books depicting relationships between men and women, it seems like this really is a collection of the difficulties of being the man in a relationship.
Additionally, I think this all leads to heartache because of the underlying desires of modern men. Only this morning I really grasped how much I have been affected by the culture around my childhood and I imagine it's the same for most others. I grew up watching tv shows and movies filled with examples of the man, often not the "cool" guy or the clear hero, simply being "there" for the woman and oftentimes laying down his life (either in small metaphorical ways or in literal ways). It's this idea of the "nice guy getting the girl" that has permeated my childhood ss. I just watched an episode of Phil of the Future and Kim Possible, two old Disney Channel shows I used to watch that are now on occasional replay. Both shows are great examples of what I'm talking about. Phil is the nice guy who does the right thing and becomes friends with Keely and because he's the good guy, he wins her heart. In Kim Possible, Ron is the best friend who is always willing to sacrifice his own time, desires, and even life (though it never comes to that point since it's a kid show) for Kim because he cares about her and loves her and at the end of the series, Kim realizes that she loves Ron and he's been the one she wanted the whole time. Now what does this have to do with my point? Well, I think it is an underlying desire of many men (At least in this day and age) to love and care for the girl, all the while carrying a hope that she would love him back. Or maybe it's not many men and it's only me and a few others. Maybe that's why I love the movie so much, 'cause it's rare.
Ultimately, it's Tom's own fault for his own heartbreak. Summer tells him she wants only casual (i.e. empty) and because of his desire for "the one," he's willing to adhere to that in hopes that it will progress. There's a key but subtle scene early on in their relationship where Summer tells Tom she isn't looking for a relationship and only wants it to be a casual thing. Tom responds by agreeing and says "Yeah, like casual, right? Take it slow." Right there is the difference between the two people. "Take it slow" implies there is an end goal, one that should be slowly traveled to. Summer, however, never implies that. She only claims casual. They're both at fault. Summer for being shallow and misleading to a guy who clearly has emotional instability and unrealistic expectations. Tom for being foolish and trying to fit Summer into his own keyhole ideal even though she clearly does not want the same as he does.
Anyway, enough of this madness.
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