It's weird to see someone I cared for greatly get engaged to someone else. It's even weirder to see her get engaged less than a year after she turned me down for a date without a reason. Weirder still is that she's engaged to this guy after dating for four months. Weirdest of all is that she's engaged to a rock golem / Jaylen Fisher.
I digress.
Truth is, this happened days ago but mercifully I didn't find out until today. I'm not really emotionally connected to her anymore (haven't been for many months), but to see someone with such beauty and kindness give her life and future away to both a man who's uglier than I am (at least on the outside) and to a life of being a disregarded pastor's wife in the south is pretty crushing. I've learned a lot from my mom and other pastor's wives and yet I know that in this area, particularly the rural church circuit, pastor's wives seem to be hidden away in shadow and insignificance. Maybe it will be different for her, but maybe it won't be. All I know is that she chose to double down on small town life and draw a curtain on life outside of the little she already know. In all reality, all this care for her is just desire for myself, for me to have someone so beautiful and kind and caring. I wouldn't hide her away or treat her secondarily, but that's not the path either of us are on. God alone knows the future.
I know he'll never deserve her, but I guess I hope he'll try.
"Now we're just liars. Now we're just liars."
"Au revoir, you probably don't understand what I mean."
"And now we're unrelated, and rid of all the shit we hated, but I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you."
