This post is going to be a rant on something that contains a word that many people will find offensive. I don't write this to be offensive or to portray myself in some light, so if "cuss words" are offensive or harmful to you, I encourage you to close this window and ignore this stupid blog. Over the past year or so my stance on language has changed and I lean towards the side that believes that words in and of themselves are not sinful. I think the heart behind them is sinful. I think that if someone says "forget you!," the anger in their heart is the exact same as if they said "f**k you!" I read a blog post a while back from the lead singer of a band called the Classic Crime where he talked about how cuss words are a matter of culture. In one culture, the f-word is taboo. In another, it is common language. In one culture, it is taboo to show any skin. In another, it's common to walk around naked.
All this to say, I am not saying that I support using cuss words. My personal conviction at this point is that I am okay with saying "f*ck" or something else when I am by myself or with people who will neither be hurt, offended, or worse off because of it. Now, I do try to control my tongue because I really don't want to offend someone or hurt my witness because I do claim to follow Jesus. The Bible says to "let no unwholesome talk come out from among you." I think this applies much more to how we as humans interact than it does to specific words that are taboo one day and common the next.
Anyway, this next section of my post is going to be scattered with cuss words, so if you are offended by them or anything at all, I encourage you to close this browser and do something else. If you feel I have offended you or something, please comment or something because it is not my intent to hurt or offend anyone. I merely want to express some thoughts I have on here.
On to the show...
Bullshit. It's a word that is heard a lot. We hear it in movies, music, and in various conversations. I'm not here to talk about the word itself. However, in the past couple months I've seen quite a bit of it around me. People try to bullshit other people. What I mean by bullshit as a verb is that they (we) try to sell something false to someone else. Be it an idea, a thought, a compliment, an image, a belief, or something else, I think we all bullshit each other quite often.
What set this whole rant up was that earlier tonight I saw a friend of mine's FB status where they had talked about an upcoming event they were apart of and someone commented saying they wouldn't make it but asked if my friend could record it and send a video of it, to which my friend said yes. Now, I don't know for sure whether my friend will or won't do that, but my first thought after reading that was "bullshit, you won't do that."
We really do bullshit each other a lot. Sometimes it's to hide pain or embarrassment to avoid burdening someone else, like when someone asks if we're okay and we respond with "I'm fine" or "Yeah, I'm good." Other times, we bullshit each other to try and be nice, like telling a friend they're good looking when in fact they're rather unappealing. However, most of the time our bullshit is less of the ends-justify-the-means kind and more of the how-can-I-benefit-from-this kind.
My kind of bullshit tends to be of the manipulative kind, for I am a very manipulative person. Usually when I'm bullshitting someone, I'm saying one thing or another that I don't believe or agree with in hopes that they will disagree or will somehow view me higher. I can't really think of any specific examples from my own life at the moment, not because I don't do it but because I do it quite often that it's hard to think of something specific.
Another kind of bullshit I see a lot is "love." Being friends with a lot of high schoolers, I hear a lot of "I love you"'s between friends, couples, and the ones who fall in between and on the opposite sides. Now, I don't mean to take a highly cynical position here but realistically, how many high school relationships actually last past school? How many friends remain friends after the tassels are turned and the steps towards the future are taken? To my knowledge, I can recall three female friends to whom I have said "I love you" to. None of these were meant romantically and honestly, they were rarely carried out through my actions. I told one friend that because she was a great help to me in high school when I struggled emotionally over unrequited interest in other girls. Actually, come to think of it, that's been the main component of most of my close friendships with females. How sad.
To continue, high schoolers don't know jack about love. I've been learning that myself for the past couple years and I've seen it very closely the whole time. I try to encourage younger friends of mine from saying "I love you" unless they really mean it because almost every time it used, it means more along the lines of "I like you because you please me and make me feel good" than it does "I genuinely care about you and your well-being more than I care about myself and my own." I'm not saying that high schoolers have never ever experienced love, nor am I saying that it is impossible for a genuinely loving relationship to happen in high school. However, based on what I've seen in my very limited years of living, "love" is usually a casual word that is thrown around like a fucking silly band.
Anyway, this rant on love is for another time. Back to bullshit. Humans are deceivers. I think it can be traced back to the fall of man when Satan deceived Eve into eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Ever since, men and women have spent much of their time weaving their own lies and falsities into their words and actions in order to better present themselves.
This is beginning to get a little too long
(twss) and I'm starting to lose my focus on the direction of my rant. To try and wrap this up before I go to sleep, where I will probably kick the covers off and have to remake my bed in the morning, I will try and end on a little bit of hope. I can't really say that with age comes an understanding of love or a genuine desire for truthfulness because as I see in my own corrupt heart as well as throughout my peers and elders, it's really a mixed bag of who bullshits and who doesn't. For me, I believe that I am only going to learn to not bullshit people when I begin to see myself as lesser tha
n them and to stop trying to earn their approval. That comes down to the idea of the first shall be last and the last shall be first. How can you be last (and therefore first) if you spend your time trying to slither into first? "Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart." In the past couple weeks I've been trying to be more honest with people and even though I've habitually thrown in some bullshit here and there, I'm finding that honesty isn't as scary as some people portray it to be. I think that everyone needs to continually learn discernment and wisdom because without those, if you're honest, you're just saying everything that is on your mind without a levee to guard yourself or others. I'm having trouble explaining some of the things I'm thinking right now. However, I'll end with this. Not all love is ("love") superficial and self-seeking. Not all statements and portrayals are bullshit. The last thing I want to be taken out of this blog is a warped, cynical view of people and life. Yes, we are broken. We are not too far gone though, we are not beyond repair. By that I don't mean some sort of hippie crap about how if we all just work together, we'll make the world right. THAT right there is bullshit. Accept it or not, people are sinful by nature. However, I think that God is in control of the world and that through seeking him and rejecting ourselves, we can slowly and surely find repair in his hands.
I close with a line from a song by the band Project 86 called Misfit Toys.
"We're all broken, Like misfit toys.
We rest in pieces begging for You to make us one."
