The Bird

So tonight I was talking to my best female friend about this girl I like, who happens to be her best female friend, and she was telling me how the girl is kind of care free and apathetic and things mean a lot more to me than they do to her. In response to this, I decided to wrote a poem/song lyrics about her carefree personality. It tails off at the end (no pun intended...ok maybe just a little) 'cause I lost my train of thought but oh well. 




My love was a bird, as pretty as ever I’d seen.
She’d dart between hearts, feathers falling in between.
And upon the wind, to me she sang a sweet tune,
But as November roses, her passion faded soon. 

With not a care in the world, she took to the sky,
And with lover’s hearts below, she danced and would glide.
Her feathers they glistened and she knew that they did,
Her glimmer the reason the clouds from me hid. 

Spring, it is coming, with hope and rebirth
And a new scale to measure and give us our worth.
For beauty fades and sweet songs go mute,
My love does not fly, it follows a new route.

"I used to be my own protection, but not now" - Valentine's Day

So normally around Valentine's Day, I, like many single people in the world, get a little mopey and such. Normally I'm not too bummed or anything but I usually think of the day as "S.A.D." (Single Awareness Day). This year, however, I'm not really bummed or anything. No, I don't have a girlfriend. No, the girl I really like isn't giving me any reasons to hope for the future. But honestly, life isn't centered on romance and I'm extremely blessed by God in my life, so it would be silly of me to whine about being single.

Today I went grocery shopping with my mom (she just had a medical procedure done so she needed me to come to push the cart and lift heavy things) and at Kroger I saw a handful of people checking out with roses, candies, cards, and some other Valentine's Day related objects. This got me thinking. Valentine's Day is a day that for some people is a reminder to demonstrate their love for a special someone, for others a day of obligation and expectation, and for others still a day of loneliness, frustration, or self-pity. I had planned to flesh this out further but because I started this in the afternoon and then didnt' get back to it until 11:45, with a crappy night at work and a host of other things in between, I'm gonna cut it short and maybe blog about these things some other time.

"So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain" / Pride

So The National is an awesome band. I got the rest of their album "High Violet" today and it's awesome and I am right now listening to their album "Boxer." They've got a sort of haunting melody about them and some really interesting lyrics. It's hard to describe why I like them so much, go listen for yourself.

Anyway, tonight at bible study I was challenged about the situation with that douche at work. Instead of trying to just tolerate him while I think bad thoughts about him, I think God is kind of providing me an opportunity to learn patience and humility. The guy is a douche, he's younger than me, he's arrogant, and he has me do stuff while he does nothing or hits on the good looking girl on our shift. However, he's not more sinful than I am. And in this situation, I think I need to learn some humility, to learn to love this guy even if he aggravates me, and need to be respectful and attentive because though he is younger and more immature, he's still higher up in the job. Gosh, I don't want to love this guy. I would love to just punch him in the nose and call him out. However, I'm commanded to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me. In fact, this all reminds me of two verses I read in Proverbs yesterday:
"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirst, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." Proverbs 25: 21-22

I hope and pray God gives me the strength and patience to learn from this situation and to act rightly here, it's gonna be tough.

A plethora of things

So the work world has been interesting so far. Overall, I don't mind the work and I like my coworkers for the most part. Plus I get paid well, have accommodating hours, and get to take leftovers home if I want. So really, I shouldn't be complaining. However, I've been a foolish complainer all my life so why stop now? One of the guys who is in charge when the main supervisors are gone is kind of a douchebag. This guy bosses me around with a condescending tone, acts like I'm his idiot slave, and has me bus tables while he hits on the best looking girl on staff. If you've ever seen Office Space, just imagine the boss, Bill Lumbergh, and his condescending tone in the form of cocky and pretentious 16/17 year old punk. It's very frustrating to be bossed around by a guy like this. The other guy who is in charge when the supervisors are out is a solid guy. Every now and then he can be a little overly bossy but so far he's been mostly just instructing and accommodating to me. The rest of the people have been pretty cool as well. It's just that one guy...
But I digress, he's a sinner just as I am a sinner. No better, no worse.


Now, on to the foolishness that is passive-aggresive Facebook or Twitter updates. One of my friends thought her friend's passive-aggressive tweets about her life was directed at her, so in return she began passive-aggressively tweeting about things as well. Now neither one was specifically mean or anything and my friend ended the night with a good mindset, but it got me thinking about how everyone, at one point or another, uses FB or Twitter to passive-aggressively complain or criticize someone or something. Personally, I do it a lot, so it's pretty hypocritical of me to talk about it. I used to use Facebook to whine a lot but then I wrote out a set of rules for myself to follow (which I break quite often but they keep me sort of in line...ish) and I've eased up on the whining since.
I think we use social outlets to vent, complain, or whatever you want to call it because we want attention and we either want help or pity as well. I know that when I put a lyric from a song that's hitting me hard or describing me well on a FB or Twitter, it's either because I just really like the lyric or because I want to express to others how I'm feeling or how I see myself. Either way, for me, it's usually about wanting to be honest to people. It's also about attention. Actually, it's very often about attention for me. I'm very self-seeking and attention-driven.


I feel like I was gonna blog about something else tonight, but I've plum forgotten what it was. Oh well, music. Today, for $1 because I used Amazonmp3's Valentine's Day code VDMP3s, I bought an album by a band called The Dillinger Escape Plan, which was on sale for $3 today. I haven't listened to much of it yet but of the two songs I had from the album previously, it's really good chaotic metal (i've heard it's called mathcore). I think I'll enjoy it every now and then when I'm either in an angry mood, a chaotic mood, or a we-want-to-pump *clap* you-up mood.
Also, I've really been getting into a band called The National lately. Their album High Violet got a ton of good reviews last year and I listened to it a couple weeks ago on Grooveshark and ever since I keep coming back to certain songs. I got Sorrow and Conversation 16 from an mp3 blog and along with Bloodbuzz Ohio, I'm lovin' The National. They've got a really interesting sound and I like their lyrics for the most part.


Anyway, it's late and I've got stuff to do in the morning before classes, so I'll end here with lyrics from the National.
These are from the song Conversation 16, which is full of really good and interesting lyrics so it's hard to choose just one section, but here is the chorus:
"Now we'll leave the silver city 'cause all the silver girls

Gave us black dreams.

Leave the silver city to all the silver girls,

Everything means everything.

/

I was afraid, I'd eat your brains

I was afraid, I'd eat your brains

'Cause I'm evil

'Cause I'm evil."

"February made me shiver, with every paper I’d deliver" / a short rant

So quite a bit has changed since I last updated. I got a job at a senior living place as wait staff where I wait and bus tables, do prep work, cleaning, etc. I've worked three nights in a row and I'm slowly getting the hang of it. Slowly. I had to get two 7 tops (table for 7 people) tonight almost entirely by myself. These were the first tables I'd ever waited before. Sufficed to say, I didn't dump anything on anyone, though I did forget a good bit of stuff here and there. Oh well.
New month, new situations, same problems, same sin, same broken world.

Now, my short little rant. I'll put the language warning here instead of at the top of the post. I'm about to say some words that may offend some people, so be cautious as you continue. I'm not trying to offend or hurt or anything. I explained my views on "cussing" on a previous post so if you care to, look there.
I wish people live more honestly. I mean, I know I'm not a trophy friend, I know I'm not the kind of guy that people are proud to be seen with, I know I'm a bit of a loser, but if someone is going to hang out with me, I'd rather them just decline my invitation or not make one of their own if they're going to be embarrassed to be seen with my if friends of theirs are nearby. A "fuck you" in words is a lot less aggravating than a "fuck you" in actions.

That's enough for tonight, I'm off to watch the UFC fight at Champs with the fellas. Hoorah for guy time.