"If it doesn't break your heart, if it doesn't break your heart, if it doesn't break your heart it isn't love. If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't enough."
It's been a rough couple of days. Without going into details, in the past 36 hours I've had to face the hopelessness of the situation with Girl C as well as how far my idolatry towards her has gone.
Again, I won't go into details but after a really awful night last night and some necessary conversations and thinking, I realized that in all this time regarding Girl C, I've thought that my loyalty and obedience to God have been enough when I haven't loved Him. Instead, I've put my love and affection towards Girl C and forsaken my first love. In all my chasing after that idealized Hollywood "someone," I've forgone the only person who has truly loved and been there for me, God my Father.
So in all this, I've decided that I need to take a step back from Girl C. I don't really have any hope that she'll ever feel anything for me but now that I'm beginning to regain my focus on Christ, I feel a tiny bit a peace that even if I end up and die alone, I'll have God with me and He will never forsake me.
(The above lyrics are from a Switchfoot song called Yet.)
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