I feel like

I can't really blog much about Girl C anymore. I don't know if it's fear that she'd someday see it, weariness from mulling it over my head every day, or if I'm just tired of typing down painful truths. Regardless of all this hypothesizing, I'm just gonna do what I've always done with this blog and work through my thoughts.

I don't have much (well, really any) faith in this whole Girl C situation ever happening. I think faith of any kind has to have some sort of basis. A leap of faith means that there is a division between where you are and where you want to be and you take a jump over that division with hopes of landing on the other side. But what if there's no ground where you are? What if there's nothing from which to kick your leap? What if you felt a connection, took a chance, got rejected, and now feel like there's hardly any sort of care there? (unintentional rhyme). I mean, there's concern and "I'll pray for you" relationships where you have 30 second conversations on Wednesdays and Sundays and never gain any new ground, but I honestly don't want that, at least not in this situation. Growing up in church I've had far more than my share of the Wednesday/Sunday "friendships." In my life I've had about 6 good friends over the years. The only one of those that was with a girl was with a girl who was my very first friend and I managed to royally mess that friendship up. Ever since, I've waded through a sea of feigned interest and few cares. Now, I just feel like nothing's ever gonna change.

I've wanted to blog about this for a few weeks and while I don't really have a good transition, I'm just gonna say "Screw it" and I'm gonna do it. (intentional rhyme). I don't get why "Hey, how are you?" has become a standard greeting. Most of the time people don't even really ask, they just speak the words and go on about their business. In the rare times that people do actually ask, the conversation usually goes something like "'Hey, how are you?' 'Good, how about you?' 'I'm good.'"
Honestly, it seems like a very foolish way to greet someone because if you don't know them then odds are you don't actually care how they're doing so if they say anything other than good/great, you're caught off guard because you're not invested enough to find out why they're "fine," "okay," or just "eh." So, why are we foolish to risk our own selfishness by asking such a loaded question as "How are you?"

All that said, it makes the people who actually do care when they ask "how are you?" all the more special. Somehow, I've returned to the whole Girl C situation because even though she's not perfect and she doesn't always care when she asks, she cares a lot more than most. But I digress, lest I further frustrate myself with wallowing hopeless situations.