What started as a strange and silly idea

has led to something...else. I was thinking about how someday I'd like to write one of those self-revelation monologues that happen in all sorts of movies, so I began typing out a long paragraph, which turned into more of my own personal thought-drudgery. Here it goes.

"Am I depressed? I don’t think so. “Depressed” is something a middle-age, suburban housewife / soccer mom calls herself because she hasn’t done what her college-age self thought she’d have done by this time. Or it’s something that an hormone-rattled teenager calls himself because that cheerleader won’t go out with him, his best friend stole his girlfriend, or some other high school cliché is bothering him. I am none these things. Well, maybe I’ve got a dash of the unrequited love part, but that seems to be something that most people live with. Me? Well, as cliché as it sounds, I just don’t really understand life. I mean, I believe that Jesus is the son of God and I would call myself a follower of Christ, albeit a poor example of one but nonetheless. However, I really have trouble understanding this “love your neighbor” concept when every day all I want is what I want. For example, there’s this girl who I’ve become close friends with over the past six months or so and despite my better judgment, I’ve developed a romantic affection for her. However, she’s still hung up on a guy that has hurt her and will continue to hurt her and I see no end in sight to that. My dilemma lies in the fact that she has no romantic interest in me. Well, that’s not really the dilemma. The dilemma is that I really want to try and love her and put her before myself (love your neighbor as yourself) and I think that means being a good friend to her and trying to be encouraging and loving as much as I can, but the more I hang out with her and talk to her, the more frustrating it becomes because I kind of want something more but all she cares about is this other guy. How can I love her and continue to be her friend while all this time discontent gnaws at me like frostbite? This is just one of the many things in life that perplex me, though this is one of the more pressing things."