I've got a lot of scattered thoughts at the moment and I doubt I'll be able to corral them all like the lil doggies of the prairie. I'd like to write down thoughts I have on friendships and how they relate to growing up / growing apart. I'd also like to write about the New Year, as well as the Old Year. I'd also like to write a little bit about the wasteland we live and breath in. I doubt I'll be able to get it all down since I've been up till 2 or 3 am like 3 out of the past 4 nights and I'm still battling stupid ear congestion. Oh well, I'll go grab a couple Dunkin Donuts donuts and begin my harrowing tale.
I'll begin with the New Year stuff. "So this is the New Year, and I don't feel any different." Unlike the Death Cab song, however, I do have some "resolutions," though I wouldn't necessarily title them that. On the lighter side, I'd like to break a gross habit I have that I don't care to mention. Needless to say, it's one that I've had since I was a kid and I'd like to be done with it. Also on the lighter side, I'd like to spend less time on my computer. Don't get me wrong, I love my Macbook Pro and the main reason I use it is to connect with other people, either through Facebook, Twitter, Skype, iChat, or Aim. However, in this digital age we live in, I'd like to take more time to appreciate God's creation instead of constantly focusing on man's. For a couple weeks in November I went to the local nature park multiple times a week, sometimes just sitting on a bench for 30 minutes, other times going hiking. Either way, I want to get outside more. I also would like to branch out more socially. This isn't to say that I want to start going to parties or w/e, but I want to try and learn to adapt to different social environments and be able to relate and interact with people I may not know or that are much different than I am. This kind of connects with one of my more serious "resolutions." This isn't so much of a "resolution" as it is a prayer and a hope. I want to learn how to truly love people. I don't necessarily mean this as me wanting to fall in love with a girl or something like that. I mean I want to learn how to actually put others needs before my own; to sacrifice my desires, preferences, or even hopes so that someone else may be raised up instead. I think that is what the Gospel is all about. Jesus came to seek and save the lost. He came out of love and he died and endured sin out of love. Me, I'm too selfish to give a homeless guy some change or tolerate a friend's venting solely because he doesn't do the same to me. I don't know what love is, at least not based on the horizontal. I mean, I see glimpses of it in everyday life, like a husband putting his wife or kids before himself, but I'm having a lot of trouble grasping the idea of steadfast, unchanging love in this mix&match world of ours. My disconnect is hard to put into words but I just pray that God teaches me what love really is and shows me how to love others more.
"So this is the Old Year, and I don't have anything clever to say." It's been an interesting year to say the least. Actually, it's been a pretty good year. I had my missteps, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. And even though I don't really have much of anything figured out, God has carried me a long way through this year. I won't go into specifics but I've seen God's control in relationships and situations throughout the year. I kindof wish I hadn't spent the night at a friend's and stayed up super late last night because I would've had more to say of this past year then than I do now. Oh well, I had fun last night and I got to hang out with friends, so 'tis all good.
I think I'll end this post with the things I'm especially thankful for that have come in the past year. I'll get to the friendships / growing up / growing apart thing and the wasteland thing some other time(s).
In no particular order, I'm thankful for:
Pandora radio stations, such as the Explosions in the Sky one I'm listening to now
This blog, where I can put all this stupid crap I think about down onto something substantial
Friends whose friendship and genuine care I don't really deserve
Cheap movies that make my days slightly more enjoyable when I find/buy them
Stupid moments alone and also with friends
Serious/deep moments alone and also with friends
Challenges that God used in my life to help me closer to understanding
Grace and forgiveness that come every morning, when I don't ever deserve either
And a TON of other things that are absent from my mind thanks to many scattered thoughts and even more yawns.
P.S. I'm tired and have things to do, so I won't be rereading this to check for errors or anything. FYI
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